Life moves too fast.
I'm realizing this as I nurse my now 6 week old squish, his hand holding my shirt and the other on my side, looking up at me like he's as grateful for this bonding time as I am.
My soon to be three year old is napping next to me and I can remember him being so small. The sleepless nights made so worth it as I rocked him and felt him relax and fall back asleep, feeling safe and secure.
They really do grow up so fast - and my oldest isn't even three yet.
My pregnancy lasted forever, but it's been 6 weeks since the baby Dragon arrived and time is flying. His first Thanksgiving will be here in a few short days, his first Yule in a month.
In two months my Bug will be three - where has the time gone?
It feels like I was 16 yesterday, without a care in the world and no intentions of having kids before 24.
And the came the positive pregnancy test on April 27th when I was 17.
I can remember feeling terrified, a little upset, worried, but at the same time there was a bit of happiness in there. Scared as I was, I was thankful, because many women don't even get that opportunity. I remember sitting in the car that night, my mom was driving me home from my then-boyfriend's house. She looked at me in the dark and said, "it's been a while since I bought you pads, do you have something to tell me?" I remember struggling for a moment with the thought of lying and saying I was just stressed, but figured it was better to just come out with it. So I did - in the most blunt, smartass way ever.
"Yeah, I won't need them for about nine months."
She looked at me for a minute and I felt awkward, so I tried to remedy the situation by saying, "Well, I guess eight since this month already passed..."
She wasn't thrilled - who would be when their 17 year old came home, still in high school, and said she was having a baby of her own?
I stayed in school, and I worked my ass off to ensure there was no chance of being held back. That meant taking on extra classes because my guidance counselor had screwed up my schedule in the beginning of the year and didn't give me enough courses. I was originally going to take distance courses, but now I had to save up for the baby, so I worked my ass off and didn't leave early like the other seniors.
That June, I graduated. Class of 2010, 17 years old, and with great grades to boot. No one but my mom, close friends, boyfriend and midwife knew I was pregnant.
In August, I finally announced my pregnancy.
Apparently, no one else saw it coming either. Everyone was pretty shocked when I announced it.
A few months later, I told my dad. Yeah, I probably should have told him sooner, but what teenager wants to tell their dad that they're pregnant? I sure as hell didn't.
It didn't go over too great, but he accepted it, and he does love Noah to death. He was there the day after I got out of the hospital to meet my little Bugman.
We had our baby shower November 6th, 2010. Lots of friends and family showed up, including my best friend of (now) 10 years and her family - who I consider a second family to me. Lots of pictures were taken, and it was a lot of fun. My brother had an abscess in his mouth and my mom had to take him to the hospital, so she missed some of it, but she was there for most of it. We had soy ice cream cake, and no one knew, but everyone loved it. I felt so smug when I told them it wasn't dairy ice cream and they liked it!
In December I decided that there was no more doubt about a home birth - it was definitely what I wanted. I talked to my midwife, we made a birth plan, I put my birth kit together - and that was that. I was ready for my home birth.
There weren't really many preterm labor scares. I went into labor at 38 weeks, and they gave me fluids to stop it. Again at 39 weeks, but my contractions stopped and I was progressing and I got sent home, dilated to a 4. After that, there was no indication of labor coming soon. I was okay with this. I was entirely content to go to 42 weeks and beyond as long as Noah and I were okay. January 25th came and went, still with no sign of oncoming labor. So he surely wasn't coming on his due date.
I started having contractions at 2am on January 26th. I sterilized bottles and pacifiers, I washed all of his clothes, I made sure I had everything packed neatly into my laundry basket for my home birth. I watched documentaries and took a bath. I made some tea. I had a lot of time to focus inward, on my contractions and on my baby. During the day on the 26th I played Monopoly with my cousin, her boyfriend and my boyfriend at the time. We watched a movie. I told them I was in labor and I distinctly remember her boyfriend telling me, "You're not in labor. You couldn't handle labor without meds. My mother had me with no epidural and she wasn't as calm as you."
A bit angered and hurt by the statement because he had implied (in my eyes, at least) that I wasn't strong enough to endure something many women endure daily with no drugs, I excused myself and went downstairs to make myself another cup of tea.
I called my midwife to let her know I was in labor.
Around 2am on the 27th, my contractions seemed to stop entirely. I called my midwife and told her they'd disappeared and that I would call back if anything happened. See, back then I had never heard of a rest period, and that's just what that was - a rest period, because the hard part was coming. The past two times I'd gone into labor due to snowstorms, and we were in the midst of another. I had a second due date of February 9th, so it seemed likely that my labor could have just stopped again. Anyway, the correct due date was January 25th because I got a positive test on April 27th and by my second due date I couldn't have conceived until May 5th.
My water broke at 2:30ish. The roads were closed except to emergency personnel and I didn't want to put my midwife in a dangerous situation, and I didn't think she'd be able to make it in time with the weather anyway. So we called an ambulance and yada yada yada, Noah's birth story is already on my blog haha. I had him 3 hours later, 2 days after his due date.
Well, you guys have been here since I got pregnant with Gage so you all know that story in lots of detail.
Ah, the point of this whole thing was just to hold your kids a little closer tonight, remember that time flies and you'll miss this moment years from now.