Wednesday, July 3, 2013

A letter to my (temporarily) only child...

You are the sweetest two year old ever. You are the first person to have ever taught me what true love really is. You've helped me grow, not only as a mama, but as a person. You're my world. You have the most beautiful blue eyes and the cutest smile, and your bedhead is even the most adorable mess I have ever seen. There's nothing I love more than being there and watching and helping you grow day after day. I don't know who I would be, or where I would be without you. You've been my only baby for two and a half years, and come October it won't just be you anymore. It'll be you and Asher. I'll never love you less, and I'll love Asher just as much. I hope it doesn't stress you out to share your mama with your brother. 
You'll have been an only child for nearly three years when he arrives, so I expect it to come as a shock to you when you realize he's here to stay - that we're not babysitting, no one is going to come to the house to pick him up and take him home, because our home is his home as well. 
It's so very important to me that you know once Ash arrives you will not be any less special. You will not be any less loved. I don't know how to explain it to you because you're so little, but mama loves you just as much now as in October, and every month, year, and decade afterward. There's nothing you or I could do to make me love you any less than I do right this instant. 
I'm not even quite sure yet how I'm going to adjust to the new baby. I'll admit that some days I cry because I get sad thinking about how you won't have our 100% focus anymore - but you'll still have our 100% love. You're my whole world and soon Asher will be too. 
Last night when we were going to sleep and you were laying in my arm, with your head on my shoulder like you've slept since day one, it was the most bittersweet moment. I remember you when you were just a few hours old, sleeping the same way, and now it's two and a half years later and I know these days will soon come to an end. You're turning into a big boy and you like to sleep in your big boy bed, and it's bittersweet because I'll miss those snuggles, but I'm so proud of you for being so independent. 
To see what you can do now compared to when you came home makes my heart swell with pride. You're such a well mannered and (usually) well behaved little boy. It's going to be strange to bring home a little baby that can't do anything but sleep, poop and nurse like you did when you came home.
Anyway, I'm rambling. I want you to know that you are perfect to me, and I'll love you forever. I hope you never feel second to your baby brother, I hope you never feel left out or forgotten, and I hope that if you do feel any of these things, you tell me so I can fix it. It's gonna be tough, bub, I won't lie. There's going to be tears, there will be feelings of jealousy... but always remember that I love you, and I love Asher just the same as I love you. No more, no less. 
I love you, baby boy, forever and ever. Don't you ever forget it.

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